Soul Ripples

Tea: Relaxing Love (Green Tea with rose pedals and calendula)

Current Book: Star of Fortune by Nora Roberts

My Writing: Formatting Moors Deep

Music in the background: The Watcher by Healing Ether

Today's Story: Soul Ripples

 

I sat at my computer today and opened up the final edits of book 2, that was just waiting on final formatting, until I lost it. There is so much to wade through, with this novel. The characters and how long they've been with me, the story as it continues. The patience, the price, and the push I've had to endure to get this book into the public. I am a novelist, not an editor, I hire people to do that. I am a novelist, not a marketer. I am a novelist, not a social media expert. Yet, as an Indie author, I have to be all these things, and I suck at it royaly. 

 

I love talking about books and stories, but when it comes to my own, its like me opening a page in my diary and say, "Lets discuss it." hahaha f*ck off. I am not about to book club my own book, I do that all on my own, for me. The world is too opinionated for my soul to lay bare to it. Maybe I lack courage for that. Maybe I'll only sell to my small audience, but at least I won't be broken or skewered as an example for the world. That is a topic for another blog, though.

 

We were talking about me getting emotional about the finality of this novel. This is the end of an "era" for me. The end of the fight with editors, the end of the waiting game, the end of wanting others to care about my novel as much as I did. It is true, I published this novel about 18 months ago, and was ready to have it narrated. The narrator I had hired said it needed work still, so I pulled it from the market.  Embarrased and angry that the "editor" I had hired did not do what I paid her to do, I hired this woman to polish it up, then she would begin narrating.  Life happened, and six months went by with no word or work done on the novel. Once I was contacted we made arrangements to finish the edits and we'd go from there. Another six months passed and I am finishing my own formatting, since she has not responded to my inquaries. Deep breath. 

 

Knowing the emotional rollercoaster I went through for this novel has only made me hold on tighter, but I have to remember why I write is not just for me to release my soul. It is to write stories your soul will miss. That is not a slogan, that is my mantra...my belief...my purpose.

 

The version of me that wrote this book, no longer exists. It is great and sad all at the same time. I am terrified to finish this because of all I have been through to make this possible over the last four years is finally over. This is the last time, this novel is mine. When I publish it to be shared with the world, it becomes apart of anyone else who reads it. It will make emotional ripples in your soul--every novel does, and that terrifies me, but it won't stop me.

 

I am getting better about stepping though my fear instead of letting it win. It is a daily dance that I don't always win, but today I will. The steeping of this novel has been a process and I know it will land well. I also know that so many will never know the struggle that went into this novel or the many times I said, no I don't want to play anymore, but went back to it. Nothing good in life comes easy, I just wish it wasn't so damn hard. They say it builds character, so we'll go with that.

 

Time to go format this novel.

 

Thank you for sticking around and more to come on the adventure of a writer-reader.  Until next time, keep the kettle on and find a good book to fall into.